


The Harder We Fall

by harveyreginaldspecter



Series: Harvey/Mike - Suits Fics [1]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: AU - Donna never left, Caring Donna, Harvey Is Just Really Sad, Hurt Harvey, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Spoilers - S4E16, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4087300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harveyreginaldspecter/pseuds/harveyreginaldspecter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Mike told Harvey about his engagement with Rachel and asks him to be best man, Harvey panicks and leaves the firm. He finds himself at the only place he currently feels safe at.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Harder We Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Thank you for taking your time to read this. This is a plot bunny, which has been bugging me for days now and I eventually had to give in. If there are any grammatical/spelling mistakes, please tell me, so that I can correct them.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Suits or any of its characters. The credit goes to Aaron Korsh and everybody working on Suits.  
> Thank you for reading!

Harvey calmly took a pull on his cigarette and watched the torrid cigarette ash mix with the luminous lights of New York, dancing in front of his eyes like minute points of light. His scarf was tightly wrapped around his throat to fight off the nipping air and the nicotine burned its way down Harvey's throat, leaving a soothingly raspy feeling, as he tapped the ash off his cigarette and lowered his head, examining the filthy pavement. Harvey's left hand was buried deep in his coat pocket, clenched into a fist, when he recalled what had happened in the past eight minutes.

 

Mike had come into his office, grinning like a Cheshire cat and his hands clasped behind his back like a schoolboy. Harvey had asked, why he was so happy, even though he - most likely - already knew the answer. He was pretty good at guessing, but he had laughed it off and had asked, if he had either had mind-blowing sex this morning or just solved Taniyama's problem and was ready to accept his Nobel Prize. Normally, Mike would've made a smart-alecky comment or would've laughed with Harvey, but he had just ignored him and had taken a seat in front of Harvey's desk. He rarely did that. Then Mike had told him, that he would marry Rachel and had asked, if Harvey would be his best man. Harvey hadn't answered, but only stared at Mike for seemingly an eternity and then panicked and left his office.

 

Harvey grip tightened around his cigarette, as he remembered Mike's face, when he had told him about his proposal.

God, he had looked so _happy._ He had looked so happy, that he finally found somebody to spend the rest of his life with. Somebody, who would be there for him in good times as in bad, who would take care of him, who would love him unconditionally and somebody, who would go through hell and back, only to keep him safe.

It wasn't the fact, that Mike had found that 'somebody' in Rachel, it was, that he hadn't found that 'somebody' in _him._ Harvey had taken the blame for Mike's mistakes, he had taken the risk of going to prison for Mike, he had protected and cared about Mike and - most importantly - he _had_ gone through hell and back for his associate.

The thought about Mike left a bitter taste in his mouth and an aching feeling in his body, as he reached the wooden door, he was subconsciously looking for.

Harvey grinded his cigarette butt under his heel, before he pressed the doorbell and waited for the familiar, buzzing noise to provide Harvey the only place, where he felt home at at the moment. He couldn't go back to his apartment, as he knew, that the night wouldn't end well. He couldn't go back to the firm, because _everything_ reminded him of Mike and his fiancée (How he detested this word) and he had nowhere else to go, so he went to the only place, where he felt safe.

"Hello?", Harvey heard Donna's voice through the intercom of her flat, the static crackling, as she spoke.

"It's me", Harvey said, appalled, by how broken and weak his voice sounded. He blamed it on the nicotine.

He didn't get an answer from Donna, only the soft buzzing of the door, as he pushed it open and felt the pleasant warmth of the staircase embracing him, the familiar smell creeping into his nose, as he climbed the creaking stairs.

When he reached the door to Donna's flat, she was already standing in the doorframe and had sympathetic look on her face - it was so _pitying_ , that Harvey wanted to throw up. He didn't need her pity, he just needed somebody to drink the pain away and get off his head, so that he'd hopefully wake up with amnesia.

"He's getting married", he breathed and tried to steady his shaking voice, but this was Donna he was facing.

No matter how hard he tried, she would look past every barricade and Harvey knew, that by the end of the night, he would've most likely given vent to his feelings, but maybe, that was exactly what he needed.

Donna didn't answer, but nod to her left, telling him to come in.

When Harvey entered the flat, he immediately recognised the familiar smell of polish, scotch and scented candles, taking off his scarf and coat, carelessly throwing it over the backrest of Donna's couch, when Donna stood in front of him and eyed him compassionately.

"He's getting married", Harvey repeated and now, there was nothing in his voice, but raw _pain_ and it affected Donna deeply.

 

No matter what kind of a heartless bastard Harvey was in court, nobody could convince Donna, that this heartlessness was present, when Harvey was alone. Donna herself had witnessed Harvey's distanced façade crumbling and it had terrified her.

It had started to crumble, when Mike Ross had set a foot in _Pearson Specter Litt_ and had put everybody in danger of going to prison on a daily basis, but somehow, he had managed to work his way into the hearts of his colleagues, but especially into Harvey's. Nobody was sure _when_ it had happened - when the best closer in the whole of New York fell in love with a fraud - but it seemed, as if everybody knew, that he had.

The way Harvey behaved around Mike, the way he was so protective of his rookie indicated it and it seemed, as if Harvey would stop at nothing to protect his associate. But what really gave it away, was the way Harvey looked at Mike, when he was sure, that Mike wasn't looking. _God,_ the way Harvey looked at Mike. Harvey watched him, as if he were the most precious thing in the world and Donna was sure, that she spoke for the rest of the firm as well when she said, that she had never seen somebody look at someone this way.

So, of course, the news of Mike's engagement had shocked her. She was happy for Mike and Rachel (really!) and she had gladly agreed to be Rachel's bridesmaid, but something inside her had demur at taking part in the event, which would break Harvey's façade once and for all and - honestly - Donna didn't want to see that happen.

 

"I know", was the only thing, which seemed appropriate at the moment, as she pulled Harvey into a hug and wrapped her arms so tightly around his neck, as if it would put the broken pieces back together. She rested her chin on her wrist, when she felt Harvey lowering his head, burying his face in the crook of her neck and taking a deep, shaking breath. For a while, they just stood in her kitchen, hugging in an uncomfortable and awkward angle, but for once, Donna didn't know what to do. She wasn't used to Harvey showing emotions or physical contact - except the usual, necessary touching and the one time they had slept together - and it confused her to see the man, whose job it was to break people, being so broken himself.

Lifting her hand, she carefully stroked the back of Harvey's head, when she felt his shoulders shaking, which set Donna's antennae quivering. Harvey wasn't a person to cry. She had seen him crying once, but after that, she had never witnessed anything of that kind, so she wasn't sure, how to handle it.

"I'm sorry, Harvey", she whispered and gently pulled away.

It turned out her boss hadn't really cried, but his eyes were dangerously red-rimmed and glassy.

"I'm so sorry", she repeated and turned around, to fill two glasses of scotch, offering one to Harvey, who gladly accepted it and emptied the glass in one gulp. Without saying a word, Harvey grabbed the bottle of scotch replenished his glass, walking over to the couch and sat down, twisting the glass in his hand.

"No need to be sorry", he said eventually, his voice hoarse and slightly shaking, before he tossed his head back and emptied his second glass. He'd probably wake up with a horrible headache, but he'd accept the headache, if only he could forget what had happened today for _one_ night.

When the scotch started to make its effect, Harvey set the glass aside and closed his eyes, his head still tossed back and laying on the backrest.

"There's nothing I can do about it anyways, is there?", he mumbled and let out a raspy, humourless laugh.

"He even asked me to be best man".

Harvey's voice was barely a whisper by now, but Donna heard his words perfectly clear. It had been clear from the beginning, that, should either of them marry, he'd make the other best man, but something inside Donna strived against the idea of Harvey as a best man. They were best friends and Harvey would be able to handle this, but only in the formal sense. He'd be able to hold a speech and look happy, but Donna doubted, that he'd be able to handle the emotional pressure.

"Are you going to do it?", Donna asked and sat down next to Harvey, carefully examining his expression.

"I don't know. He asked me about half an hour ago and I - I kind of panicked and left the office. I didn't answer him", he explained and suddenly felt incredibly ashamed of himself. He was Harvey Specter, for God's sake! He doesn't run away from something as trivial as a wedding.

"Yes, but are you going to do about it?", Donna asked again.

"I have to. He's my friend and it's my duty to do it", Harvey retorted.

"It's not your _duty_ to do anything, Harvey! It's obvious, that you're afflicted with Mike's engagement, so if you don't feel like you can do it -"

"What do you mean 'feel like I can't do it'?", Harvey asked and there was a sudden hint of anger in his voice, as he opened his eyes again and stared at Donna.

"I'm not - I don't do - _feelings_ ", Harvey spat out and looked, as if Donna had just offended him in any way.

"Seriously, Harvey?", she asked and had to hold herself back from letting her voice rise, because yelling at Harvey was the last thing he needed now.

"' You don't do feelings'? You came to my flat and you looked as if you were about to cry, you drank three glasses of scotch within six minutes and smoked again, which you didn't do since you came to the firm and you tell me, that you 'don't do feelings'?", Donna said and couldn't help herself, but let the anger in her voice show.

"That's a load of bullshit and you know it!"

For a moment, awkward silence stretched between them and Harvey almost looked defeated. His elbows rested on his knees and leaned forwards, avoiding Donna's gaze by staring at the coffee table in front if him.

Harvey subconsciously grabbed the bottle of scotch again and refilled his glass with the gold-ish brown liquid, taking a sip, before he leaned back and stared at the wall opposite the couch.

"Do you know why I considered to decline Mike's request?", Harvey asked and his speech had already become sluggish, the alcohol starting to make its effect in Harvey's brain.

Of course Donna knew, she had probably known for longer than Harvey had, but she couldn't hear Harvey say it. Not under this circumstances. Not before Mike knew.

"I know, but this is the scotch speaking out of you, so don't say anything you'll regret telling me before telling him", Donna objected.

"I won't tell him. Ever. So I won't regret anything", Harvey mumbled and the fact, that he didn't even plan on telling Mike about how he felt, hit Donna harder than expected.

"You weren't going to tell him?", she asked in disbelief.

"Of course not. He's marrying now, so it will only make things complicated and - I will get over it. I don't want to risk our friendship because I'm weak", Harvey said coldly and took another sip of his scotch, the alcohol burning its way down his throat and filling him with sudden warmth.

"Oh, Harvey", Donna said and shook her head.

"You're anything, but weak", she assured him, but she knew, that he saw having feelings as a weakness and nothing was going to change that.

"Whatever. But I won't tell him and you aren't going to either. But, I - I just -", Harvey stammered and eventually sighed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes until stars formed in front of his eyelids.

"I just don't want him to leave, Donna", he admitted and even from their distance, Donna could smell the odour of scotch. She was sure; Harvey would regret opening up to her in the morning, but right now, it was the best he could do.

"I know, I know. But him getting married, doesn't mean, that he's going to leave the firm or -"

"I don't want him to leave _me_!", Harvey corrected and wanted to punch himself only split seconds after the words left his mouth.

"Look, Harvey, I know, that you love Mike and I know, that his engagement hurts. I won't try to give you this It-Will-Get-Better shit, because - seriously? - it won't get better, but you'll learn to live with it. But for now -", she said and stood up, walking over to the shelf over her TV and pulled out a box-set of all ten _Star Trek_ movies.

"We'll forget about Mike and take your mind off this whole business", she said.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

By the time they reached the end of the fifth movie, Donna could hear Harvey's soft snoring and the sudden weight, as her boss' head came to rest on her shoulder.She cracked a smile and carefully shifted her weight, her hands supporting Harvey's head, as she carefully set him down on her couch and threw a blanket over him, turning off the TV and making her way to her bedroom, as she cast Harvey a last, quick glance.

When asleep, he looked younger and carefree, as if nothing bad had ever happened to him and for the last few hours of the night, she wanted to keep this illusion.


End file.
